• Me: (starting to wake up a little)
  • Hildegard the Cat: (tucks herself under my chin for our usual a.m. snuggle time) Prrrrrrrrrr Prrrrrrrrr (etc, ad libitum….)
  • Me: Well, good morning, sweetie.
  • Ella the Cat: (at point blank range, poking me gingerly with her paw) Meow. Meow. Meoooow. (Translation: “Hooman. Get up. Get uuuuppp!”)
  • Me: I know, I know….you’re hungry.
  • Margerita the Cat: (licking my toes and making contented little chirpy noises) chrrrrp chrrrp chrrrrrrrp (Translation: “Hey girls, this one tastes pretty good.”)
  • Me: What the heck, Marge?! That tickles.
  • Enheduanna the Cat: (jumps on my bum and starts kneading) Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! (Translation: “I like big butts and I cannot lie…”)
  • Me: Awwww. Thanks for the massage, Heddy!
Alarm goes off, startling the cats. All hell breaks loose. Hildy jumps out from under my chin, causing me to bite my tongue. She knocks over a lamp as she exits. Ella head butts me on the nose…hard! Marge bites my toe. Heddy freaks out and morphs into Edward Scissorpaws.
  • Me: Ptthh! Ack! Sh*t! Heddy, retract retract retraaaaact!!!!!
  • Robert: (calling up the steps) Hey, are you awake?
  • Me: 🙄