• Robert (to teenager at drive-thru window): May I have some ketchup please?
  • Teenager: Of course. Is this enough? (Gives him a handful of ketchup packets, one of which lands on his forearm and promptly falls to the ground outside the car) Sorry ’bout that.
  • Robert: Don’t worry about it. Thanks. (Tosses packets into bag and drives away)
  • Me: (thinking quietly to myself) Oh Lordy, here we go.
  • Robert: (grumbling) How many ketchups did she give us?
  • Me: Seriously? You want me to count them? While we’re driving?
  • Robert: Just tell me. I want to know now whether or not I should expect to be disappointed when I get home. (It’s a 4 minute drive, mind you)
  • Me: (peering into the bag) Looks like there are five here. Technically she gave you six, but one of them managed to escape.
  • Robert: Ha! ‘Is this enough?’ She asks! Five ketchups!
  • Me: Six, dear. She tried to hand you six.
  • Robert: We ordered 3 medium fries! Who in their right mind would imagine 5 ketchups would be enough for 3 medium fries?!?
  • Me: I see your point. It does seem a bit low, but her hands were small, and she DID try to give you six. That’s two packets per order.
  • Robert: They never give out enough packets. Clearly, they don’t understand the acceptable fry order-to-ketchup packet ratio.
  • Me: Oh? And what might that be, Dr. Einstein?
  • Robert: (without missing a beat) Taking into consideration the average length and width of the individual fries; 3 to 4 for a small, 5 to 6 for a medium, and 8 to 9 for a large. We ordered 3 mediums. She shorted us by at least 10.
  • Me: The problem here is in the faulty packaging rather than the youth working the window. I mean, what is it with those tiny packets anyway? If it takes a minimum of 3 packets to satisfactorily cover the smallest helping of fries – why don’t they make the packets three times larger? Then the window-worker wouldn’t have to grab so many at one time, and there would be less risk of rogue packets slipping through their fingers during the hand-off.
  • Robert: A salient point.
  • Me: I mean, seriously – it’s impossible to squeeze ALL the ketchup out of those little packets anyway. It’s really very wasteful. I wonder how many fries you could cover if you gathered up all the residual ketchup from all the discarded packets in the whole history of itty-bitty condiment packets. (pause) Wow, look at us doin’ physics and stuff.
  • Robert: Nah, that’s not physics. Physics would be if we were to measure the foot velocity and impact weight required to sploosh the ketchup out of the packet lying on the ground back there.
  • Me: I don’t think you’d want that on your fries.
  • Robert: No, but the entertainment would distract me from the disappointment of not having enough ketchup in the first place.
  • Me: But, then you would be robbed of the opportunity to complain about the teenager in the window.
  • Robert: (pulling in the driveway) Oh, I can always find a reason to complain about teenagers working drive-thrus.
  • Me: Of course you can. What was I thinking? 🙄