A few weeks ago, Hero Robert noticed the threadbare state of my bra inventory and took it upon himself to order replacements for everything in that drawer, knowing I would never get around to doing it myself.
- Robert: Your fleet of undergarments has arrived.
- Me: Oh good! Thank you so much! (Begins unpackaging items) Man, Playtex must have a thing against sea turtles and polar bears. Just look at all this plastic! (Each bra was individually wrapped in one bag, which was also in its own bag. Then there were two of those bags hermetically sealed inside yet another bag, etc…)
- Robert: (coming to my rescue with scissors) What kind of plastic is this anyway?!? I couldn’t cut this open with a chainsaw!
- Me: Call NASA! We’ve got a new heat shield for space shuttle re-entry!
- Robert: Wait! We don’t need to cut these open at all. Look, there’s a sticky little flap right here.
- Me: I usually get in the shower when I find those.
- Robert: Don’t throw these bags away. I think I can use them for poop scooping the litter boxes.
- Me: Huzzah! One more degree of separation between us and the sea turtles.
- Robert: One small cat turd for man, one giant degree of separation for polar bears.
- Me: …and renewed separation for my…
- Robert: Okay, okay – you don’t have to say it.
I pondered the possibility of turtle shells, but he walked away before I could articulate my musings. I’m sure that was no accident.