After working all weekend, I decided not to go to my office today. My afternoon went like this —


  • “You can’t sit there. Move!”
  • “Don’t be an asshole.”
  • “I need to put my arm there.”
  • “I can’t pet you right now.”
  • “For the love of all that is holy, if you barf on my socks I will kill you!”
  • “Geez! What is that?! Why do you smell like a garbage barge?”
  • “Can you go somewhere else to lick your unmentionables?”

Me: “This ‘not going to work’ thing is stressing me out.”

Robert: “How is that possible?”

Me: “Every time you scold the cats, I think you’re talking to me!”


(Retirement is gonna suck…)